99 Reasons to Drink in the Suburbs

99 Reasons to Drink in the Suburbs #24:
Trash management

Q. How many teenagers does it take to empty the trash bag?

A.  Who knows? This is a question that has no point outside of a philosophy textbook. You may as well ask how many teenagers can dance on the hood of your car after washing it. They are never going to empty the trash bag as long as there is still a nano-speck of space in or around the trash bag into which additional trash can be wedged.

You are the one who should be dancing on the hood of your car right now because this arrangement of food-encrusted debris actually represents enormous progress by the standards of Ordinary Teenage Trash Management Practices, which are so low that some have argued they cannot really be called "standards" at all.       


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from the archives: Back to School Cocktails: Because We are One Post-it Note Away from a 3-Ring Breakdown

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