1. Make cupcakes. For later. Not for breakfast. Girl, 16:That makes no sense.
2. While she is eating all the cupcakes, spell her name out in pancakes. Girl: Yes. But I'm not going to eat them. I'm just going to tweet a picture.
3. Stop for a caramel latte on the way to school. Because it's her birthday. This is not going to be an everyday thing. Girl: I'm going to bring caramel lattes for my friends too. We should do this every day.
4. You're getting a little old for balloons, right? Girl: That's a no. There should be balloons.
5. Cupcakes count as a cake. Girl: You could not be more wrong. I printed out a recipe for a 16-pound Snickers bar you can make at home. Also, a picture of a cake.
6. There is nothing a 16-year-old girl loves as much as a room makeover. Especially if it has been almost two months since the last one. Stay away from Tumblr, keep your standards low and define "makeover" as "a new comforter." Note to Girl: That is a picture of a wedding cake, btw. Girl: I'm pretty sure there has to be paint for it to count as a makeover. Can we paint my room? Also, the only difference between a wedding cake and a birthday cake is candles.
7. Bring her favorite dinner home from the Wendy's drive-through. Girl: We should go somewhere we can dress up and pay a lot of money. I'm going to need a new dress.
8. Fine. Take her shopping for a new dress. Girl: I should get my hair colored too.
9. Definitely not. Girl: Just a haircut. And some highlights.
10. Hold the line on something. Even if it just the wedding cake.
from the birthday girl archives: