But she does bring a wealth of social media savvy to the operation.
For example, she can tweet something like this: basicALLY
Within minutes her gazillion followers will re-tweet it with comments like: omyyYYZZZIILLL. You are so.
I'm not going to lie: It is a little frustrating when I have just finished crafting what I imagine to be a high-quality, correctly punctuated and grammatically precise 300-word description of my underwear and 6 people like it on Facebook and 4 of them re-tweet it - and I am actually bragging about this level of influence - and she gives me a pitying look and posts a photograph of HER HAND and for the next 5 minutes her communications devices ping nonstop with notifications. Because really Internet?
But there is no arguing with the unharnessed power of Girl plus Twitter plus a dozen other social media sites you haven't even heard of yet. By the time you have, they will have moved on in a giant cloud of Victoria's Secret body spray and sprinkle cupcakes.
So many cupcakes.
What choice did I have but to recruit her? I can't say for sure what this will mean for you, our reader, other than cupcakes. We will try to keep a lid on the boy band thing because that stuff will take over a blog faster than nail polish fumes in a room full of 15-year-old girls.
We've turned over the keys here, where she has already begun making some cosmetic improvements. And we are not just talking about mascara. A lot of eye shadow is involved as well.
Social Media Director Girl Kamikaze: "Could you like not?"