Another birthday has come and gone and not only am I still passing for 49ish, but I get to celebrate it every month.
That's because my lazy and uncreative friends keep renewing my membership in the Suburban Alcoholic Wine Club. Sure, every year they talk about coming up with something a little more original, but then it's all, let's open another bottle of wine and talk about it some more and then before they know it, my birthday is practically here and they've got nothing.
The result is that, month after month, for going on months now, a handsome UPS man shows up at my door bearing bottles of wine. At least I imagine he is handsome. He always seems to come when I am not home. And sometimes he just leaves a little sticker on the door that says "We tried to deliver your wine, but you were too busy working, so we're going to drink it ourselves in the back of the truck."
Q. Why can't my friends arrange for my wine to show up when I'm actually at home?
A) They're lazy. B) They are completely uncreative.
This is their idea of a birthday card:
Let me know if you see any glitter anywhere on there, because I certainly don't.
This is their idea of a birthday gift:
It was delicious. I paired it with Cheez-its because I was too lazy and uncreative to make dinner.
But don't you like my use of A, B and C? I clearly made my own case. No glitter required.
Posted by: Executive Suburbanite | September 25, 2013 at 03:55 PM
I may just have to send this post to MY friends. Lazy and uncreative in "this" circle means that the nicest thing you get is a text saying Happy Birthday. Otherwise, they all send their wishes via Facebook...all while knowing I NEVER check Facebook.
Happy Birthday. Enjoy that virtual bottle I sent! ;-)
Posted by: Gigi | September 25, 2013 at 04:46 PM
A) You might need to do a little more hint-dropping Gigi. (See above reference to glitter-enhanced birthday cards. B) Be careful with the hint dropping. Some BFFs will use this as an excuse to grant your wish, but in a way that makes you regret it. And C) I admit, Executive, you make a very strong case for wine. I was kind of on the fence until I realized the alternative was not wine.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 25, 2013 at 04:59 PM
A)This would have seemed like a much more creative idea to you if you had written this post while drinking the wine.
B)I can't think of the ideas AND carry them out. Sheesh!
C)We are doing a book club for the executive suburbanite. October is your month... I just made that up but still...
Posted by: nthnglsts | September 25, 2013 at 06:24 PM
A) I just sent her a book. B) That is actually a pretty good idea. C) Not that I'm surprised or anything. D) Gigi's friends need to step up a little.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 25, 2013 at 06:32 PM
A) Gigi needs to ditch her friends and B) Move to wherever you ladies are (unless it's cold - that's a deal breaker) and C) hang out with y'all on a permanent basis.
Posted by: Gigi | September 26, 2013 at 03:20 PM
A) Some of us live in Chicago, where it snows indoors about half the year. B) The rest of us live in Postcardlandia.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 26, 2013 at 05:07 PM
Love your birthday gift and am slightly envious.
Posted by: Jen | September 26, 2013 at 05:47 PM
It's like having a birthday every month. http://www.wine.com Now, who is sending the cheese and crackers?
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 26, 2013 at 06:02 PM
Actually it is just a nagging countdown for you to keep track of the passage of time til the next wonderful day that marks another year. Wow that came out negative.
Posted by: SH | September 29, 2013 at 09:29 AM
I am having a hard time seeing how marking the passage of time with good wine could be a negative. Then again, I am pretty sure I am aging backwards, so it may be the product of delusional thinking.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 29, 2013 at 05:12 PM
I've decided I'm a regular Benjamina Button. In no time at all, I'll be a teenager again.
Posted by: Executive Suburbanite | September 30, 2013 at 01:04 PM
Oh god. The teenage years are so hard. All that pressure, all that texting! The endless chores you have to forget to do. There is never anything good to eat! Why is everyone trying to ruin my life? I hate you! I'm hungry.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | October 01, 2013 at 06:16 AM