A good wife is hard to find.There is no competition at all in the perfect category.

People are always telling me, "Suburban, you are like the perfect wife."

Okay. That's not true. My friends are always telling me I am the worst wife ever. But there is no possible way they have done the kind of research that would be required to support a statement like that. As far as I know, no such research even exists. Who would do it? And what sort of criteria could pass for objective?

I think I am as qualified as anyone to say that Mr. Kamikaze is a lucky man, plus or minus a few percentage points for margin of error. But I am not one to rest on my laurels. You don't get laurels that look like this by resting on them. 

Even so, I am always looking for ways to be an even better wife. Than some. 

After 11, 14, or possibly 20 years of marriage, I find it often comes down to the things I don't do. I don't buy him tickets to the theater or the ballet unless I know there will be nudity. I don't ask him to go shopping with me. I never ask for his opinion on matters of fashion, personal grooming or song lyrics. I don't tell him my dreams, unless they're dirty, and I don't expect him to remember what I want for my birthday, Christmas or Valentine's Day. I write it down for him and tape it to the front of the refrigerator. Then I e-mail it to him at work. Then I just buy it for myself and tell him thank you.

I'm not saying it's a perfect system. It's just better than yours. Possibly. It's also possible I am doing everything completely wrong. In which case, you should probably do it differently.

You're welcome.

-SK

Comments

[MommyTime]

I tried to tell my kids the other day that they were "the best kids ever," and my six-year-old told me, "well, you can't really say that because you don't know for sure...you don't know ALL the kids in the world." And then she looked at me quizzically (and a little pityingly) as if her gigantic brain couldn't comprehend why my teensy one would even begin to consider what I'd just said as an ACTUAL compliment that would please her first-grade self.

Me? I let it roll off my back while silently the dread grew exponentially as I considered what her teenage years will be like.

All of which is meant as a parable to say: I am sure you are the most perfect wife, and I don't think anyone needs to be so pedantic as to require research to prove it. (Also, I shopped for my husband's gift to me at Christmas, but then he got me something else as a surprise--which was excellent--and completely forgot about the necklace that had arrived earlier and that he'd stashed for wrapping. Do you have any suggestions for how to remind him about it, so I can wear it? It was really pretty...)

[Suburban Kamikaze]

I think some immediate hint dropping is advisable, otherwise he may try saving it for your birthday when he should be shopping for the matching bracelet.

Also, congratulations on the best kids ever. I am pretty sure all the kids in the world have spent the night in my basement, so I can supply the data.

SK

[SH]

You are doing what all the rest of we perfect wives do--we are wives to ourselves--you have heard of the parentified child --we are the spousefied wives--can you imagine what would happen if we stopped this--what black hole would open up--not to mention the impact on the economy due to the lack of holiday purchasing--I got my xmas coach bag--with the help of my smart phone--took picture and emailed with exact location for purchase--

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Well done.

SK

[Tiaras & Tantrums]

I'm the work widow - unlike yourself - so naturally we would buy our own gifts!