We knew we had them scared. But when the girl and I challenged Team Executive to an Appalling Christmas Sweater Throwdown last year, we figured we'd have at least a little bit of a fight on our hands.
They are big talkers in the Executive household. There was no sweater so revolting that they wouldn't have the jingle balls to wear it in public, on airplanes, at concerts. Wherever. Bring it on, they said - underestimating our reserves of cruelty.
And we did, handcrafting two Christmas sweaters so unrelentingly awful you could not have worn them to a Midwestern PTA fundraiser without shame.
But in the 12 months since we presented them with the sweaters, we have received only a single photo, of the Executive Suburbanite at a South Florida Thai restaurant, wearing her appalling Christmas sweater and surrounded by a group of her closest friends. Yawn.
We are not impressed. Her daughter has yet to be seen anywhere in public in the 3D blinking reindeer-headed sweatshirt we created especially for her.
We had expected an album of photographs by now, depicting our sweaters in iconic South Florida landscapes: under palm trees, in alligator-infested swamps, with old Cuban men playing dominoes, with sunburned German tourists on the beach.
Did we go too far? Was it one bell over the line? Who knows? But it may be time for the Christmas sweaters to move on. Or at least get invited to a really cool party somewhere.
from the cable knit archives: Traveling, unraveling: a Christmas sweater update