Mr. Kamikaze, just resurfacing from a deep-space investigation that has left him blinking, wide-eyed in disbelief at the landscape of the suburban homestead, offers some parenting advice from another planet:
"If you use those words in front of the children, they're going to think it's okay to use those words."
What the fuck is he even talking about?
Here on the homefront, which Mr. K. regularly abandons in the interests of truth, justice and mortgage payments, we are up to our necks in deadline writing, biology homework, college applications and at least one romantic debacle. There is barely time for figure skating.
So when he emerges from some dimly-lit parking garage long enough to weigh in on parenting issues, it can be like hearing a voice coming out of the toaster. What the hell is that?
Sometimes, the toaster pops ups with uncommonly good ideas.
Sometimes it's like toast from another planet. "You think the kids learned words like "fuck" from me?" I say.
"No," he says. "I think they learn that it's acceptable from you."
At this point, I am laughing so hard, I can barely get a word out. "So, wait," I say finally. "You think the children are more likely to do something if it seems acceptable to me?"
He actually does. It's fucking adorable.
Oh, isn't he cute.....as if children EVER do what we deem as acceptable.
Posted by: Gigi | October 25, 2012 at 03:53 PM
His perspective is a little skewed by the fact that much of what the suburban man finds acceptable is what teenagers do anyway.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | October 25, 2012 at 07:48 PM
I didn't say the F word until I was 43. I learned it from my daughter.
I like how the F word can be used as a verb, a noun, an adverb, whatever. The little fucker is so malleable.
It pops out all the fucking time now. You'd think I was a middle schooler the way I talk.
Posted by: Sue | October 26, 2012 at 02:28 PM
I pretty much ruined it for the children after I explained to them how to use it in 17 parts of speech and 12 different tenses. Now they couldn't give a fuck.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | October 26, 2012 at 04:23 PM
Dimly-lit parking garages are pretty scary places to be. Just sayin' but I got a 9mm Glock 19 as the best firearm to hide under the seat. A 40 cal Glock 19 would be better. Hollow point ammunition makes sure the bullet does not go through the target, but stays in and doesn't hit someone behind.
Now, on your use of the F word - REALLY! REALLY! You're a mother for heaven's sakes!
Posted by: Audubon Ron | November 03, 2012 at 04:20 PM
Which is why I try to use it correctly.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | November 08, 2012 at 05:41 AM