This week in delusional thinking, starring James Bond and Hannah Montana

I believe that if you have never been tempted to dance to “Pumping Up the Party” by Hannah Montana, you are already a little bit dead inside.

I believe if coffee were declared illegal, a cartel of PTA moms would be powerful enough to rival the Colombian drug lords within six months.

I believe teenage girls are secretly running the world. Otherwise, the success of Twitter makes no sense.

I believe bikini waxing gives me the right to think of myself as brave.

I have trouble accepting the idea that James Bond could actually drive like that without getting someone killed, but I do believe it is possible that Daniel Craig and I could run into each other somewhere, in an elevator maybe, or an airport, where we would bond over a shared passion for olives and wordplay and exchange phone numbers.

I believe my husband would be okay with this.

I believe Post-it Notes are invisible to children.

I believe my teenage son secretly does know which day the garbage goes out.

I believe that scrubbing toothpaste off the sink while blow-drying my hair gives me the right to think of myself as an effective multitasker, even if I end up with toothpaste in my hair.

I believe I am the kind of woman who sports a tattoo in some sexy location. I just don’t think I need a tattoo to prove it.

I believe everybody is sanctimonious about something and that recognizing this fact makes me a better human being than most people.

I believe that my failure to develop a working system of organized family life is the result of deliberate sabotage and not a flaw in my system of charts, thumbtacks, hooks, storage containers and Post-it Notes. 

Comments

[Laurie]

Love, love, love! I hadn't considered sabotage as an excuse...I mean reason behind the organizational chaos of my home before. Hmmmm ;)

[Suburban Kamikaze]

What else could explain it?

SK

[Gigi]

Well of course the lack of organization isn't your fault. We ALL know that our families are out to drive us insane.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Thumbtacks can't be wrong.

SK

[Executive Suburbanite]

A bikini waxing doesn't give you the right. A Brazilian, however ...

[Suburban Kamikaze]

There's brave and there's braver.

SK

[MommyTime]

I believe I am the kind of woman who sports a tattoo in some sexy location. I just don’t think I need a tattoo to prove it. Completely hilarious. But the sanctimony? I'm right there with you. Please tell me you are sanctimonious about some grammar point. For all intensive purposes, I am totally a snob about a wide range of grammar and word-choice errors. And I'd like some company over here.

[Audubon Ron]

Yes, I am sanctimonious and yes, you are better than me.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Making the world a better place one delusion at a time...

SK