I am having the kind of week for which nothing less than being kidnapped by a handsome pirate and spirited away for an old-fashioned tumble belowdecks could possibly rehabilitate.
Applicants must subscribe to 21st century notions of grooming, hygiene and foreplay and hold firm opinions on the appalling underrepresentation of women at the top of America's biggest corporations.
Also, there should be clean sheets belowdecks.
I'm not sure there ARE any 21st century pirates who have ANY opinions about top-level management at America's biggest corporations. Or that have seen a clean sheet in years.
Besides, to a pirate, a "sheet" is a sail.
Posted by: Bob Cleveland | August 31, 2012 at 09:26 AM
I should have said "clean straw." But with a thread count of at least 400.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | August 31, 2012 at 09:31 AM
Oh, you too? I thought it was only me having one of those weeks.
Posted by: Gigi | August 31, 2012 at 04:00 PM
Where are the pirates when you really need them?
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | August 31, 2012 at 05:03 PM
Aye, blow me down. You do realize September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate day. There be plenty of booty on that day, lassie. Us seadogs might could use little shiver in the timber. Sink me!!!
Posted by: Audubon Ron | September 01, 2012 at 06:33 AM
Thank god. It feels like Talk Like You are Running for Student Body President at Liberty University, Circa 1905 will never end.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 01, 2012 at 07:16 AM
You realize those bedsheets only cover up a salt-sea-spray-covered hammock, don't you? And that it's pretty dark and creaky belowdeck? I think you need to find yourself a pirate *captain*.
Posted by: MommyTime | September 01, 2012 at 05:48 PM
You're right. That is much hotter. Nobody wants to be kidnapped by pirate middle management.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 01, 2012 at 06:01 PM
If you get kidnapped by a pirate in Chicago you can be pretty sure he just wants to check the GPS on your phone.
Posted by: nthnglsts | September 01, 2012 at 07:24 PM
There are not nearly enough pirates in Chicago. Some kind of union thing probably.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 01, 2012 at 08:20 PM
During this whole scenario, I was envisioning a Captain Jack Sparrow-esque character (with better teeth).
The notion of a Chicago pirate has shattered the fantasy.
I'd imagine a pirate on Lake Michigan (vs. Caribbean waters) would be pasty-skinned and smell of sausages.
Posted by: Jess a.k.a The Apathetic Parent | September 02, 2012 at 04:49 AM
Da pirates. Also, it would be way too cold belowdecks.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 02, 2012 at 06:54 AM