1. So that thing where you scribble all over a piece of tape with a Sharpie and then leave pieces of Sharpied tape everywhere? Stop doing that.
2. That thing where you take the tape out of my office and leave it somewhere else in the house and then when I am looking for it you say you don't have it? Yeah. Stop.
3. That thing where you tell me exactly how you want your lunch made and then just when I've finished arranging the olives and slices of brie you realize, Oh wait! I don't need a lunch today, but I'll eat it later, but then you don't and a month later it's still in the back of the refrigerator? Kinda stinks.
4. That thing where it's 10 o'clock at night and you keep calling me back into your room to tell me something really, really important and you swear this is really the last time and I fall for it and then when I get there you tell me about how those guys in One Direction made this video diary and girls got to send them questions and then somebody asked Louis .... and then Niall was all like .... and then Harry said something and then blah, blah, blah?
That is actually kind of interesting. Yeah. I am just kidding.
5. That thing where you hijack the iPod dock in the car because you want me to hear one song, just one song, and then you swear you'll put it back to something we both like and then you play like 30 songs in a row except for the one that I say I like and that one you cut off after 15 seconds because it reminds you that you have this other song that you know I'm going to love? You never even told me the name of that song.
6. That thing where I say, you're going to need a jacket and you say no I don't and I say, yes you do and you say nothing until we're halfway to school in the car and then you say can we turn around because I forgot my jacket? Not cool.
7. That thing where you come into my room at 11 o'clock at night and wake me up to tell me that you are reading a book about anti-gravity and you can't put it down and then you wait for me to start laughing because that is your signal to begin the rest of your Bedtime Comedy Hour even though I have to get up at 5:30 the next morning? Was actually pretty funny. Until the alarm went off. But then it was funny again the next morning when dad said did you read in the paper about the guy who got his left side cut off? And you said is he all right? And then we all laughed because we have this stupid weakness for puns? Still. Could it wait until I am not sleeping? Whatever. Keep doing that.
Photo: Host of the long-running, late night Kamikaze Family Comedy and Pop Music Hour that begins right after you fall asleep and ends whenever it ends.
Loved Tom Hanks' version ... maybe this could be a dramatic sequel. Spartacus!
Posted by: Lynne | June 05, 2012 at 08:43 AM
Are you living in my house and I just didn't notice?
Posted by: sher | June 05, 2012 at 09:28 AM
Oh. And the One Direction song? It's "What Makes You Beautiful." You're welcome. (And when I want things like that to leave my head, I concentrate hard on "The Theme From Sanford and Son." Gets rid of all earworms.
Posted by: sher | June 05, 2012 at 09:30 AM
How about that thing where one minute she's just a tiny little baby, then the next minute she's this tumbly little toddler, then you turn around ONE MINUTE LATER and she's this lovely young lady mugging for the camera in a nifty, classic polka dot dress? Should she keep that up?
Posted by: Robert | June 05, 2012 at 09:30 AM
Oh god. Is there any way of stopping that? I'm getting all choked up here. And only one more day of middle school in her entire life. Of course she wants to spend that last day getting mani-pedis and she will bankrupt me trying to meet her beauty and fashion needs for a graduation ceremony in which she will be covered neck-to-ankle in a blue gown... but at the last possible moment, when I am pretty much up to my limit with middle school girls - and when you have one, you have a houseful - she will make me laugh so hard. And that is why we keep her.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 05, 2012 at 12:26 PM
Oh, and this is for all of you: (Thank you Sher.)
...You don't know you're beautiful!
That's what makes you beautiful!
Na na na na na na naaaa na na,
Na na na na na na.
Na na na na na na naaaa na na,
Na na na na na na.
Kind of catchy isn't it?
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 05, 2012 at 01:24 PM
Thanks Sher. Now what do I do to get rid of the theme from Sanford and Son?
Posted by: nthnglsts | June 05, 2012 at 06:21 PM
Actual-a-llllly. I think that dress would be great on you.
Why thank you. But most of our closet exchanges go in one direction. (Hah) SK
Posted by: Audubon Ron | June 05, 2012 at 07:00 PM
I have it on good authority from my 17-year-old that One Direction sucks, and don't bother asking him to play it at the graduation dance which he is DJ-aying. Because like, that would like, make you suck too.
Posted by: Elizabitch | June 05, 2012 at 07:24 PM
I swear to God, I thought they were called One Dimension ...
Posted by: Elizabitch | June 05, 2012 at 07:25 PM
He won't play any 1D?! That is the bravest thing I have ever heard. Those girls will not go easy on him.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 05, 2012 at 07:52 PM
Those girls may kill him. My daughter insisted on tickets for a One Direction concert that isn't taking place until June 2013. Yes, you read that correctly. I have concert tickets already For Next Year. The husband and I are currently fighting over which one of us has to take her. I sat through the Cheetah Girls. I think it's his turn.
And as for getting rid of Sanford and Son? Why would anyone ever want to do that?
Posted by: sher | June 06, 2012 at 09:35 AM
Chill out. Members of 1D will be back working at the mall by June 2013.
Posted by: Elizabitch | June 06, 2012 at 10:16 AM
i kept saying to the girl: will they even be a band or someone you even care about in 2013? deaf ears... sigh.
Posted by: sher | June 06, 2012 at 11:59 AM
Veruca, who saw them in concert last week tells me that tickets go on sale in February for their return. This is a band not taking any chances on its shelf life. They're insecure, don't know what for...
Whatever happened to that Bieber kid?
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 06, 2012 at 01:52 PM