A preview of the parody of the book that has everybody "talking."
I grimace with frustration at my appearance in the mirror. Damn my hair – I’ve tried everything to get it to behave, but it just flops across my face like I’m auditioning for a part in a boy band.
That’s a lie. I haven’t really tried anything. But I’m not one of those high-style dudes. I’m just not that
into my hair. I’ve been letting it grow out of sheer apathy. Girls are really into hair, I’ve noticed. Also vampires.
It’s not enough to just cultivate a little dark side anymore. Chicks like to think that at any moment you could be overcome by the urge to sever an artery and drain their blood.
The whole bad boy thing has gotten really out of control if you ask me.
Not that anybody is asking me.
I’m not the kind of guy girls tend to notice and it’s not just because I’m nice. I’m also kind of shy. I’m not very good at putting myself out there. I don’t even have a Facebook page. It’s lame, I know.
I’m more of an observer. I tend to hang back in the shadows somewhere, but not in that sexy vampire sort of way.
I’ve never bitten anyone and it shows.
Girls have unfailing radar for that sort of thing. I’ve seen them hone in on the only guy in the room with an arrest record within seconds of walking into a party – guys like my roommate Kurt.
Kurt Kavanagh is the whole package where the ladies are concerned. He walks into a room and every girl in the place pulls in her stomach and touches her hair. He’s got that dark, brooding stare that screams “I’ve got a felony conviction and I’m picturing you naked right now.”
It’s not much of a stretch actually. I doubt there is a girl on campus who hasn’t posed for him one way or another. He shoots for the campus paper, but he does his best work in the studio that takes up one room of the three-bedroom off-campus apartment we share. People say he looks like the guy on the side of the Hollister bags. And that’s just his mug shot. I don’t even like to take my shirt off when he’s home.
I’m not complaining. Kurt’s hobby is responsible for every naked girl I’ve ever seen in real life. And trust me, there have been plenty.
They’re always wandering around between sessions in their underwear - or less. They’ll come up to me in the kitchen and ask if there’s any coffee. I have to act all casual, like naked girls are always plopping down next to me at the kitchen counter. Which isn’t easy even if it is true. But they treat me like I’m family or I’m blind. Or both. Like their blind first-cousin.
I, Christian Grey, am the most non-threatening guy any of them could ever hope to meet in their underwear.
Which puts my chances of ever getting into their underwear at pretty close to zero.
-End of Excerpt-
Photo: Cover design by Rick McCawley
If you liked this, you may like: A Rare Strand, by P.M. Dunnigan