originally published 4/26/2012
He may have lured the naive and insecure Anastasia into his playroom, but the handsome, rich and kinky CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. had his share of strikeouts. His brand of don't-make-me-spank-you seduction has a surprisingly high rate of failure in the real world.
Some women, sadly, were more immune to his charms than others, as evidenced by some of the rejections contained in alternate versions of the e-mail and bondage saga Fifty Shades of Grey:
Fifty Shades in the C-Suite: Could we just cut to the chase Big Boy? I've already given myself three orgasms and fired two people while you were still explaining how your little room works. It's called S and M, Mr. Grey; the multitasking is implied.
Fifty Shades of Crayon on the Walls: Only if you promise to tie the children up too.
Fifty Shades of So. Not. Happening: You've spelled out the conditions under which we will have sex in a legal contract? That is so hot.
Twenty-Five for Me, Twenty-five for You: Fine. But afterward we're going out for tapas and a chick flick.
Fifty Shades of Woman Over the Age of 25: I'm sorry, I'm just having a hard time seeing how this is better than me telling you what to do.