Unseasonably warm days have incited the annual uprising known as the Junior High Dress Code Rebellion.
In addition to the early start, the rebels have found fresh inspiration in the marketing campaign for a book and movie series glamorizing a gang of arrow-shooting teenage killers who defy authority at every turn except for the dress code. Because the government makes them wear costumes that are really cool.
The point is: The Justin Bieber Junior High School dress code? So not cool.
The girls' rebellion takes the form of too-short shorts, with hemlines that end before the reach of their fingertips - an impossible standard as they have just now received a critically important text and cannot be expected to redeploy their fingers to gauge dress code compliance. OMG.
The boys' insurgency follows a year-round practice of exposing as wide a swath of boxer shorts as they can while keeping their pants somewhere above their knees - a form of resistance known as whatever. Also "sagging."
A recent crackdown on short shorts violations, however, has drawn criticism from girl factions who believe they are the target of constitutionally questionable, gender-specific enforcement.
Or as a spokesperson for the rebellion, who asked not to be identified for fear of being recognized as the third cheerleader from the left in this year's group photo, put it: "So not fair. Srsly."
Some war-weary middle school teachers have already begun to look the other way, recognizing the futility of attempting to enforce compliance in a population of teenagers whose parents surrendered somewhere between fifth and sixth grade.
Others are known to employ a strategy known as Mutually Assured Underwear: "Don't show me yours and I won't show you mine," threatens one veteran of the clothing wars.
In the meantime, there is talk among girl insurgents of exposing what they believe to be the authorities' selective prosecution. Also, their underwear. Girl sagging. It is a risky strategy that some believe could rend the delicate fabric of the boy-girl alliance. As if.
Photo: Girl sagging in a rebel stronghold.
from the middle school fashion archives: Is that what you're wearing?
I would love to stay and comment, but I have to run out to buy my wife another bouquet of flowers and some more jewelry in thanks for bearing only sons.
Posted by: Robert | March 22, 2012 at 09:58 AM
Hey, was this the bathroom with the orange tile?
Posted by: Audubon Ron | March 22, 2012 at 02:44 PM
Ha! Our son's school had a dress code that the kids continually pushed the envelope on - which luckily didn't include shorts of any kind. That resistance to follow the rules resulted in the "Dean of Discipline" (Sister Anne) announcing that this year they get to wear uniforms!
The saggy bottom trend drives me mad. Everytime I see it I have the urge to give the wearer a major wedgie while yelling, "Pull up your damn pants!"
Posted by: Gigi | March 22, 2012 at 03:16 PM
On the bright side: those pants are going to fit them well into their 40s.
SK
*Pink really, but in a peachy shade.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | March 23, 2012 at 06:24 AM