You can hardly hear yourself drink in our house these days with all the clapping and spelling going on.
Girl Kamikaze's newest burst of inspiration has taken her into the exclamation point-riddled world of the eighth-grade cheerleading squad. Go! Fight! Win!
She could not be any more excited. We could not be any more scheduled. But she is not the kind of girl who puts any stock in the concept of time as a finite resource. Which brings us to the first habit of a highly effective cheerleader:
1. Nonstop cheering: The basketball players may be limited to four quarters, but you can cheer anytime, practically anywhere. For home, school and your mom's office, nothing sets the mood like a cheer. Give me a P! Now please, get out of here.
2. Ponytail mastery: You can fling it, whip it, twirl it and top it with an enormous bow, but any way you comb it, your ponytail is the secret source of cheer power. Work it.
3. Twirl as if the game depended on it.
4. R-E-B-O-U-N-D: It's not enough to be able to spell it. From boyfriends to out-of-bound basketballs, a little grace here will serve you well, in middle school and beyond.
5. Curry favor with the referee. You never know when it's going to come down to one call.
6. Make sure the boys on the team understand that it isn't all about them. Ask them,"What time is the cheerleading game on Thursday?"
track of your uniform, including shoes and ponytail accessories your mom on speed dial.
Ok, this is sooo my area of expertise. My two pieces of advice:
Buy an extra cheer bow NOW. That sucker is going to get lost and you are two trips to hobby lobby and a glue gun away from trying to make sure there is a bow for "the big game"
Do not allow a haircut during the season. Inevitably, the Sa-lon will layer in a way that makes it impossible to get that ponytail as high as it needs to go without a whole lot of hairspray and tears. Or 20 trips to Sephora to find the "best" hairspray.
And my last thought... which you are probably way ahead on.... post-game martinis. For You. Nothing like a cosmo while R-O-W-D-I-E, LET'S GET ROWDIE is making is horrific troll through your brain.
Posted by: Stephanie | January 29, 2012 at 05:12 PM
That cheer is definitely going on my list of reasons to drink in the suburbs. They don't even spell it right.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | January 29, 2012 at 07:40 PM
Back in my day (she said, in her best grumpy granny voice), cheerleaders had to do all of that in saddle oxfords. Which required POLISHING before every game. With two colors of polish, obviously. Personally, I think the reason they did away with those shoes isn't so that the girls to do acrobatic stunts in shoes that actually supported their feet better. I think it's because all that shoe polishing was giving high school girls one more reason to drink in the suburbs. Which everyone knows they don't need.
Posted by: MommyTime | January 31, 2012 at 09:10 AM
OK, I'm back.
I had to run into the other room to thank my darling bride -- again -- for bearing us only sons.
Posted by: Robert | February 03, 2012 at 12:15 PM
No kidding. I don't know where we are going to come up with a dowry in this economy.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | February 05, 2012 at 08:35 AM