Other ideas for specialty sympathy cards being batted around Hallmark Inc. headquarters:
Pending Indictment - Thinking of You, But In No Way is the Enclosed Cash Intended to Influence Your Decision Re: naming of co-conspirators
Your Nude Photos Just Went Viral - Cheer Up: It's Nothing that 10 Years and a Pricey Public Relations Firm Can't Mitigate Somewhat
Caught cheating on your wife - We Never Really Liked that Bitch! Best of Luck in the Property Settlement.
Rejected College Application - Acceptance Coming to terms is the first step toward moving on.
Lab results indicate a STD - Stay Positive. Just Kidding! But seriously, laughter is the best medicine.
Foreclosure - Hope this Card Reaches You in Time to Extend Our Condolences!
Layoff – No one will ever be able to replace you.
Layoff - The saying, “All good things must come to an end” just doesn't seem to be a fair rule.
Layoff – Just remember the good times.
Layoff - I hope you understand that when people write in a card, 'Sorry for your loss,' it is only because they can't put together the words to describe what they really want to express to you during this time. With that said, can I have your pencil sharpener?
Layoff – You are in a better place now.
Layoff – You will never know the depth of our sympathies, b/c they are really deep.
Layoff – Get employed soon.
Layoff - If employment could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
Layoff - When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. When you were laid-off, you cried and the world abandoned you. When you apply for a job, you cry and the world will reject you.
Posted by: Audubon Ron | September 25, 2011 at 09:14 PM
That is some greeting card gold. You will never know how hard I laughed, b/c it was really hard.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | September 26, 2011 at 05:54 AM
AHA! You and Ron know each other from former lives as greeting card writers! Or possibly current lives?
p.s. Particularly love the STD card. Seriously.
Posted by: foolery | October 03, 2011 at 01:41 PM
I think we are just both really committed to making people feel cared for with as little effort as possible.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | October 03, 2011 at 06:01 PM