Between the snow, the rain, the hail and the oozing slices of deep dish pizza that fall from the sky over the course of a year, finding the right kind of day to open a chilled bottle of Key Lime wine in the Chicago area is not easy.
For one thing, you can't share it with just anybody. And it must be shared to be believed. It takes a certain kind of commitment to polish off a glass of this stuff.
Tradition requires that you finish the bottle.
You can open a bottle of Key Lime wine anywhere the sun is shining on a lounge chair and you are surrounded by the kind of people who are willing to sit through Eat, Pray, Love with you. More than once. Just for the secret pleasure of its awfulness. Key Lime wine is like that.
Imagine a box of Sweet Tarts mashed into a pulp of wine grapes and left to ferment under the palm trees. Then imagine drinking it with one of the five or six people in the world you would call if you ever needed help getting rid of a body.
Some of them, of course, would be absolutely useless. Some of them would be curiously adept. And then there would be some sort of argument over exactly how to go about it and you'd all end up getting arrested, because let's face it, Elizabeth is a terrible liar. But that is not the point.
My point is, these are the people Key Lime wine was made to celebrate. Your posse. Your BFFs, your co-conspirators.
You can drink a good bottle of wine with anybody.
What's the soundtrack for drinking Key Lime Wine? I suggest a Keith Urban album played backward to hear his backward-masked cries for help, perhaps a Gregorian chant/Eurotrash mashup, or anything by Shania Twain.
Posted by: foolery | June 22, 2011 at 03:32 PM
Now I'm going to have Gregorian chants stuck in my head all day.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 22, 2011 at 04:07 PM
There is not enough booze in the world-- citrus based or not -- to sit through "Eat, Pray ..."
Posted by: elizalawyerbitch | June 22, 2011 at 04:30 PM
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival. - C.S.Lewis
Posted by: Linda | June 22, 2011 at 04:34 PM
I wonder how the PTO would dispose of a body... but I digress.
Posted by: Seriously Jess | June 23, 2011 at 03:02 AM
Color me intrigued by the possibility of key lime wine...
Posted by: Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food | June 23, 2011 at 04:03 AM
PTO moms would kick ass at crime scene cleanup. I am pretty sure that would be their signature event in the PTO v. Teenager Olympics.
Meg: http://www.thekeywestwinery.com Tell them I sent you.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 23, 2011 at 08:30 AM
Key Lime wine?!?! I have never heard of such a thing, but it sounds delicious.
Posted by: Michael | June 23, 2011 at 12:20 PM
No, it sounds awful. But you drink it anyway. Because that is the way it has always been done.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 23, 2011 at 12:36 PM
I'm not sure if I should try this wine or not...I'm not sure I have the commitment level required. And I bet none of my ridiculous excuses for friends would help me get rid of a body, so I don't know who I would drink it with anyway. But still, I'm curious.
Posted by: jacqui | June 25, 2011 at 05:09 AM
You could maybe work your courage up with a bottle of Mango Mama. Which I am not even making up.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 25, 2011 at 07:38 AM
A mysterious crate appeared on my front porch yesterday, no return address. I brought it inside. I watched it for a while. Nothing happened. Got out the box cutters. Sliced it open to find----two bottles of whitish wine: Hurricane Five and Key Lime! Now all I need is a body?
Posted by: nthnglsts | June 25, 2011 at 10:53 AM
It's obviously an emergency message of some sort. Quick! Make the guacamole.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 25, 2011 at 12:19 PM
For the record, I did not sit through Eat, Pray Love with you, though you tried to con me into going. Luckily I was onto your game. But I will ALWAYS drink a bottle of Key Lime Wine with you and I promise to never tell anyone about the body.
Posted by: Executive Suburbanite | June 27, 2011 at 07:45 AM
You did not sit through Eat, Pray, Love with me yet.
It has been added to the schedule of our annual summer theme parties. Didn't you get the memo? You are in charge of the life-changing elephant.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | June 27, 2011 at 08:42 AM