Scene 1: Afternoon. A park or some other outdoor space where a half dozen middle school girls have gathered.
GIRL 1: We are having so much fun. We are BFFs!! I am texting you a series of little hearts.
GIRL 2: And I am texting you back with a bunch of letters that stand for things!!!
GIRL 3: LOL! I am texting you both. Even though we are all right here. Look! There are some boys. I heard you liked one of them.
GIRL 4: I heard somebody else liked one of them.
GIRL 1: I heard stuff too and some of it was not nice. I am going to send it out as a text to everyone. But don't repeat it.
GIRL 2: OMG! We won't. Let's go talk to those boys and make them tell us if it's true.
Scene 2. Same park. Playground area. The girls have been joined by three or four boys.
GIRL 2: Did you hear? Do you know what anybody said?
BOY 1: We never understand anything you say. But we like that you like our hair.
GIRL 3: We really like your hair. Do you want to know who doesn't like your hair?
BOY 2: What?
GIRL 1: I am never talking to her again.
GIRL 2: Who?
GIRL 1: Yes, but I never said that.
GIRL 3: Let's take sides. And say mean things about the other side.
BOY 2: Uh. Which side are we on?
GIRL 4: We'll text you later.
GIRL 5: Yeah, we're leaving. Did you get our text?
GIRL 6: We don't even like your hair that much.
Scene 1: Late afternoon, same day. A suburban kitchen. Girl 1 is staring at her iPod touch and looking morose. Her mother stands nearby looking confused, concerned. She is holding a coffee cup.
MOTHER: Do you want to talk about it? Did you see what I did with my coffee? It was right here a minute ago.
GIRL 1: No. I hate them. Go Away.
GIRL 1: All of them!
MOTHER: Right. Let me make you some hot chocolate. Let's go find a funny movie to watch together. Let's make popcorn.
GIRL 1: Okay.
Scene 1: Next morning. Same kitchen. Girl 1 glares into a mug of hot chocolate. Her mother stands nearby. She holds a notebook under her arm and a cup of coffee in her hand.
MOTHER: You can't stay home from school. Because otherwise how am I going to ruin your life? Have you seen my notebook?
GIRL 1: I hate you. You're ruining my life. Will you take me shopping after school?
MOTHER: I have a lot to do today. I am not even caught up on ruining your life last week.
Scene 2: Afternoon, same day. Same kitchen. Girls 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 are seated around a table, which is piled with opened cereal boxes, drink glasses and Ramen soup wrappers. The path to the table is a mound of discarded backpacks. The refrigerator door stands open. Mother steps in from adjoining room, which is offstage. She has a notebook under her arm, a cup of coffee in one hand and is holding a cell phone in the other. As she enters the girls all begin speaking at once.
GIRLS 1-6: Will you make us something to eat? We are starving. Will you take us to Starbucks?
MOTHER: (Walks kitchen perimeter, stepping over backpacks, pushing cabinet, refrigerator doors closed.) What are you all doing here? Has anyone seen my phone?
GIRL 1: You said you would take us shopping.
ah yes. our parallel lives meet again, mrs. bond.
i go one step further in life ruination, btw. on mondays, when i have to pick the girl up at school at day's end, i sit just inside the front door, where every person in the entire grade passes. some of her friends deign to shout out hellos. and to those whom i've fed, driven, and still don't acknowledge my presence? oh, nothing but the biggest, friendliest howdy i can muster.
that's how i roll.
Posted by: sher | April 12, 2011 at 02:03 PM
It is almost too easy.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | April 12, 2011 at 03:48 PM
one of my dearest friends also has a girl of a certain age. said girl has a tough time getting out of bed for school in the morning... well, *had* a tough time. all my friend had to say was that she would gladly drive the girl into school late, walking her into the office to sign her in wearing her pajamas and fluffy slippers. problem solved.
heloise of the junior high set.
Posted by: sher | April 12, 2011 at 04:19 PM
Yo, Shakespeare. Does someone die in this one or not?
Posted by: Audubon Ron | April 12, 2011 at 07:48 PM
Don't worry, after the third act, the show's over and you get to go home...Oh, wait! Did I just give you false hope? I forgot...home is where the actors live!
Posted by: Cactus Petunia | April 12, 2011 at 11:43 PM