You can bet Northwestern University psychology professor John Michael Bailey's students weren't tapping away at their iPads during last week's human sexuality class.
There's no app for the kind of old-fashioned romance kindled by nothing more than a man, a woman and a modified power saw on an auditorium stage. You don't need a Masters and Johnson degree in power tools to know that Mrs. Bob Vila is a very lucky woman.
And yet, as someone who is intimately familiar with the endless variety of romance Home Depot has to offer, I can tell any man with complete authority: the sexiest thing you can do with a reciprocating saw is to build her a bigger closet.
Photo: James Bond plays the title role in "Mr. Kamikaze is a Handy Man."
From the Home Depot Date Night Archives: DIY glamour and the triumph of hope over plumbing supplies, The Secret is Pretending to Care
Reminds me of one of my sorority mixers.
Posted by: elizabeth Middleton | March 03, 2011 at 11:06 AM
Makes me wonder why we didn't take shop class.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | March 03, 2011 at 11:39 AM
I did take shop class. Eighth grade. And drafting.
Posted by: elizabeth Middleton | March 03, 2011 at 12:03 PM
Whereas I, in an ugly bit of foreshadowing, learned to operate a washing machine. But only for the purpose of doing the laundry.
If there were any more interesting applications, Mrs. White did not share them with the home economics class.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | March 03, 2011 at 01:37 PM
Yeah, and like my hours at the lathe have paid off for me ...
Posted by: elizalawyerbitch | March 03, 2011 at 03:00 PM
I hate to brag, but I've been blessed with a hunky husband who can build things. The first time I heard him fire up the table saw was a little scary, but ultimately exhilarating. I alternately felt fearful (that he'd cut off something vital) and excited (because he's building me new kitchen cabinets).
A man in a toolbelt -- who knows how to use it -- is the hottest thing ever.
Posted by: Seriously Jess | March 04, 2011 at 03:20 AM
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | March 04, 2011 at 03:33 AM
A man with a tool belt ended my marriage. And ... no cabinets.
Posted by: elizalawyerbitch | March 04, 2011 at 11:24 AM
I'm pretty sure the Texas Chainsaw Massacre started in the faucets aisle of Home Depot, judging by my own "date night" experiences there. Nothing like a mid floor debate about whether the sink in the bathroom is 35 or 36 inches and if the border tile is beige or taupe to stir up the romantic soup.
Posted by: nthnglsts | March 05, 2011 at 06:02 PM
It's nothing that a little joint compound won't smooth over.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | March 06, 2011 at 10:38 AM