From the Valentine's Day archives, because I didn't have time to get you anything this year.
But that doesn't mean I am not thinking of you.
I would like to be able to show you the slutty new tattoo* I am sporting as a Valentine's Day surprise for Mr. Kamikaze, but I can't.
And not just because I didn't get one.
I also didn't get one in a place you can't show on public radio, if you know what I mean.
But seriously. I am actually here to talk about books.
Not here. Here.
I only used that whole slutty tattoo business to rope you in. It's an old trick and I take no credit for it. But I'm not going to apologize for something that you fall for every single time! You are practically asking for it.
But wait! Not just any books. These are sexy books. Books to read between the sheets even.
And if there is anything better than getting into bed with a fresh stack of books, then I am not the Internet's foremost authority on sex and/or laundry.
*As for the tattoo, I had envisioned something guaranteed to make Mr. Kamikaze's heart pound with excitement. Upon further reflection, and with a writer's keen instincts for unintentional irony, I decided against having "Antiques Roadshow" emblazoned across my collectibles.
Happy Valentine's Day.
From the Valentine archives: Sex in the Suburbs
Those are some great book reviews! Seriously. It's hard to find short, pithy and to-the-point along with witty and eloquent. Personally, I'm all about this bodice-ripper masquerading as history lesson, but that may just be my mid-life-crisis talking.
Posted by: MommyTime | February 14, 2011 at 10:46 AM
You may not thank me two years from now when you emerge from the 16th century spouting Renaissance poetry, speaking bits of six languages and wondering where all the lute-playing men on horseback are.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | February 14, 2011 at 11:04 AM
I came here to say something intelligent but suddenly feel jaw-droppingly dull. So I'll just do a few fist-pumps and WOO-WOO-WOOs and maybe throw in a cabbage patch and call it an evening. You rock, SK -- great book(s) review.
Posted by: foolery | February 14, 2011 at 07:35 PM
No, no, you can't go all warm and fuzzy on me now. I've got like 2,000 people dropping in for cocktails and I am running low on cocktail weenies.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | February 14, 2011 at 09:04 PM
Open that antiquated jar of maraschino cherries in the back of your bar and see who can tie the best knot in a cherry stem with his tongue. They won't even notice there's no food if the cocktails are strong.
Posted by: foolery | February 14, 2011 at 09:47 PM
Perfect. Almost everyone at NPR can do that trick. Something to do with their microphone training.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | February 15, 2011 at 06:21 AM
i usually only read trashy biographies/autobiographies. but you've now opened up a whole new trash can for me. thanks <3
Posted by: wreke | February 15, 2011 at 09:01 AM
The only slutty biography I've read is Ednay St. Vincent Millay's (Savage Beauty by Nancy Milford).
But I hear Keith Richards has got it going on.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | February 15, 2011 at 09:57 AM
Some book reviews for women without a Valentine...http://therumpus.net/2011/02/funny-women-45-one-handed-reading/
Posted by: SMC | February 15, 2011 at 06:36 PM
That is taking prose and eros to a whole new level. Now I will probably spend the rest of the evening flirting with my bookshelves.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | February 15, 2011 at 07:21 PM
First BedBugs and Now BedBooks? (This calls for another tourist tax.) Also, I'm pretty sure that site is illegal in Florida. We need to hold on to that #10 ranking in education and stuff.
And lastly, there is a health concern. Taking books to bed is just too risky. I've heard that some BTDs are TV and internet resistant. This is serious people. If you must sleep with a book, at least make sure it keeps its jacket on!
Posted by: nthnglsts | February 20, 2011 at 10:35 AM
Not sure if this is good or bad, but I am familiar with a couple of those titles! I have to say though that Nicholson Baker has me beat, the lewdness of his writing was more fantasy than I could handle.
Posted by: Jay Jay | February 14, 2013 at 10:46 AM
I only read him for the articles. Also the nouns, verbs, prepositions, pronouns etc.
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | February 14, 2013 at 03:08 PM