Tom Sawyer, public relations

"I recently read through your blog, and found the comments and insights made about parenthood to be very enlightening."   - Excerpt from "How would you like to host the Worst Party Ever and write about it so that we can sell more Kleenex?" by House Party public relations assistant Lindsay S. 

Dear Lindsay:

Thank you so much for your interest in harnessing the vast influence and party planning know-how of Suburban Kamikaze to help spread the word about "the importance of washing and drying hands using new Kleenex hand towels."

Having only just celebrated National Masturbation Month, there must be many bloggers who would jump at the chance to wade through your survey, share information about their household purchasing habits, produce photos, videos and blog posts, organize a Kleenex Fresh and Clean Hands House Party in their home and then join other hosts across the country in a celebration of hand washing and paper products. At their own expense.

It is a generous offer. Some Kleenex themed party favors and disposable hand towels for hosts and their lucky guests; weeks of promotion for you and Kimberly-Clark. This is what is known in the marketing world as a "win-win."  In the literary world this is known as "the scene where Tom Sawyer tricks the other kids into giving him stuff for the privilege of painting his fence."

There is also the chance we could be asked to stay on for the "After Party" where the "most inspired and influential hosts and guests" are converted into active advocates in a tightly managed group acting on (the client's) behalf. Didn't this used to be called an ad agency?

There are so many other off the hook party ideas on the House Party website, we are kicking ourselves for not having thought of them first. Talk about fun! The Rubbermaid Clean Little Secrets House Party includes a FREE party pack full of items that will spark lively discussions about our cleaning personalities! 

That is Charades with the In-Laws, Trapped in the Elevator with the Amway Guy and a Midwestern Block Party all rolled into one. With a Baptist Wedding Reception on the side.

Unfortunately both of these events conflict with our previously scheduled plans to spend the summer doing pretty much anything else. 

Party on,

SK

For more on our entertainment and product whoring policies:

RSVP: My Lesbian Pool Party, Eggs are Awesome

Comments

[MommyTime]

The Tom Sawyer analogy is brilliant. I only wish I'd thought of it to use in my occasional responses to these pitches. (Most I just ignore; occasionally, I write them back to explain why/how they got it so wrong.) Perhaps, the next time I feel moved to write back, I will plagiarize your metaphor. Can metaphors be plagiarized? Are they copyrighted? Did you TM that Tom Sawyer comparison? These are burning questions that the writers amongst us need answered.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

I am pretty sure Tom Sawyer belongs to all of us.

SK

[Sue]

I would drive down from Wisconsin for ANY of your parties, SK.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

While it is true that I was responsible for instituting the two-drink minimum at the PTA meetings as well as the concept of the Dirty Tupperware Party, Profanity Billiards and X-rated scrapbooking, I am not sure I could pull off the sponsored hand washing party. The cruelty of it...

SK