Carpentry Is Easy

Today I am going to teach you how to install perfect crown molding, using only a few simple tools and the tricks I have learned in nearly 15 years of home remodeling experience. 

Trust me, you can do this. And nothing adds as much appeal to a room as a man wearing a tool belt fancy strip of wood at the top of the wall.

There are many different types of crown molding. But we are not going to get into that here. There is also something having to do with cutting angles along a perpendicular joint but I will not insult your intelligence with a recap of sixth grade geometry.

The point is, why don't I have my own home improvement show on the Do It Yourself Network? I have all the right bras. Also, I have lived through more do-it-yourself remodeling projects than I would have thought possible while married to a man who is paid to construct sentences.  But words, as it turns out, are useless when it comes to building home equity, hanging drywall or satisfying a man's need to fondle hardware in the Home Depot plumbing aisle.

I am not bragging when I say I have picked up quite a bit watching him swing a hammer over the years. Debris mostly, but also some technique, which I will illustrate here:

And that is how I managed to surprise Mr. Kamikaze by finishing the kitchen crown molding in just one afternoon, while he was busy practicing the kind of journalism that people used to read before there was Celebrity Baby Watch.

The push-up bra is optional, but can be useful in recruiting help for your project. Not that you need help.  But there is no shame in having an extra pair of hands around for things like actually knowing how to install crown molding handing you the thingamajig used to hold the whatsit.

I had a little help from a friend, who in an ironic twist, happens to be an authentic carpenter. 

This can be a real time-saver.  

You're welcome.  -SK

Comments

[Paulita]

Oh, please. Blatant soft porn photo on your part. I thought you said your carpenter was hot. Where are the tight jeans?

[Suburban Kamikaze]

It's the tool belt. You could hang one on a patio umbrella and find yourself flirting with it.

SK

[Ruth]

He's not hot. My carpenter is hot. Listens to Rush Limbaugh, Fox News and anything else designed to make my ears bleed while he's working on my house. That's why I went back to work full time.

[MommyTime]

So what you're saying is, the next time I'm having one of those feeling old(ish) and blue, and in need of some gratifying attention, I should accessorize with a tool belt? Good to know.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

You have to know your audience, but I can tell you that in certain parts of the Midwest, it apparently qualifies as soft porn. Also, Mr. Kamikaze cannot take his eyes off Norm Abrams.

SK