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Audubon Ron

Knock knock.

Who's there?

A Jehovah Witness, your doorbell is broke. Your son sent me over and said you needed to be saved.

Executive Suburbanite

I'm not going to feel sorry for someone whose child goes to MATH club.


The solution is simple. You bring the fruit into the school yourself, preferably walking with him as he goes in. Chat as you go, and make sure you look around a lot, head high, and point out things like oh goodness the fashion these days and how things have changed since you were in high school.


Have FedEx deliver the fruit to him in his math class. He'll have to sign for it. Use his cutesiest pooh-bear nickname on the label.

I'm going to be murdered by teenagers in my sleep some day, aren't I?


I say you go with "is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see (insert name of girl he has a crush on).

Suburban Kamikaze

This is the kind of practical advice you never get from the parenting books. I knew I could count on you guys.



I knew that when my 5 yr old declared my winter hat "stupid" and told me he didn't want me to wear it in the school when I came to pick him up, that Something Was Starting. But I had absolutely no idea the degree to which it might go.

Suburban Kamikaze

Kindergartners take hats very seriously. Which is why the pink dog must continually seek the approval of the other dogs for her choice of headwear. It always struck me as a little needy - I mean what makes the yellow dog such a judge of millinery? He's only wearing a paper hat himself - but you have to admit that was some hat she came up with at the end.


Mr Lady

Mommy <3's you made me shoot snot. That, and the swine flu. Mostly, the horror.

Suburban Kamikaze

Try a little whiskey in your sippy cup. Some kind of Canadian remedy I believe...


Jane/Well Read Hostess

My advice would be to show up at his first period classroom door with big bags of fruit, knock politely and then say, "Sweetie! Sweetie! I've got your fruit!" Then try to kiss him goodbye.

Next time I bet he'll gladly schlep the fruit.

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