"Once upon a time, men wore the pants. Men took charge because that's what they did." --Levi Strauss & Co. "Wear the Pants" campaign.
This is no time for cappuccino: Cities are crumbling, children are misbehaving and old ladies remain on one side of the street.
Because metaphors are for pussies. And Calvin Klein is not going to untie you from the railroad tracks.
We're talking about Levi Strauss & Co., whose new ad campaign for Dockers-brand pants champions the power of disaffected homophobic misogynists to save us from a world gone mad for salad and coffee drinks. If only they had the right pants. In nine new colors.
Levi Strauss global marketing skirt Jennifer Sey tells Brandweek what is at stake: Men, she says, are suffering from declining testosterone levels, a disproportionate share of job losses and confusion about their waxing options.
"This led us to the idea of an ad campaign encouraging men to put women, homosexuals and anyone else who stood in the way of pure, unadulterated patriarchy back in their place. Also, khakis with gun belts."
Photo: Confused about his pants options.