Dearest Friends and Family:
Another year has come and gone and we are, as always, counting our
pennies blessings in the Kamikaze family.
These are lofty days for all of us in the Adult Literacy industries. And I am not just talking about the newspaper executives weighing their options from the rooftops! I am talking about the entire publishing world as it continues the exciting transition to fulltime social networking. Some days it seems as if every newspaper and magazine in the country aspires to be as good as Ashton Kutcher's Twitter feed! As if!!
He is such a dinosaur, still wedded to his little pens, notebooks and labor-intensive fact gathering. It's as if he had never even heard of Google! We don't even have the heart to tell him about Arianna Huffington...
Luckily, my forays into the new media world help keep the family on the
brink of bankruptcy cutting edge. While not yet as popular as tampon arts and crafts or kittens, as one of the Internet's most popular grammatically correct useful Websites, Suburban Kamikaze is inundated with offers of dental floss and laundry additives. Which, when you think about the enormous amount of laundry produced in this house, is almost like money!
And speaking of laundry,
who keeps putting clean towels into the dirty pile? Do you think I have nothing better to do all day but rewash your f*&%ing laundry? I swear to god I am going to make another empty threat here the children are growing like bougainvillea and continue to astound us with their cost of upkeep accomplishments.
The boy, who built a working violin from scratch for a middle school project, has only recently learned to make toast at home, but it was a milestone nonetheless.
The girl, on the other hand, has learned to make crepes and creme brulée, but still believes her brother is going to pay her the $5 he promised for "showing him" how to make toast and scrambled eggs. Four times.
Meanwhile, we continue to adjust to the Midwestern "lifestyle," where the people are so wholesome and uncomplaining that they do not even seem to notice that winter lasts for nine months and the food is terrible. Believe me, if you tried to serve that stuff up at a party in Miami, you would be finding sausages and white bread in the bookshelves for months! (I am just kidding, of course. I had a lovely time.)
Anyway, my point is this: Nobody is ever going to change the empty roll of toilet paper so you might as well do it yourself. Your clever little pyramid of empty rolls on the ledge? It could be 15-feet high, but the point is lost on them. Which is the same thing as having no point at all.
The Kamikaze Family Players