Back to school cocktails: Because frankly, we are one Post-It Note away from a three-ring breakdown

Sometimes the best ideas are right in front of you.  And I'm not talking about the school supply list with its persnickety demands for 3-pronged, pocketed, plastic covered, three-subject notebooks in burgundy, magenta and harvest gold or any color not currently in stock or available in the enormous pile of unused school supplies you purchased last year and carefully put away in the basement in the ludicrous belief that you'd have less to buy this year...

I am talking about the liquor cabinet. This was brought to my attention by alert reader Gina Stratos of The All You Review, who pointed out what should have been obvious in answering my plea for ideas on how to survive back-to-school week: Office Depot is not your friend. 

Only she put it like this:  "vodka."

Of course. Here I was running from shelf to shelf, spending the mortgage payment on a list of supplies that grows longer every day and wondering if this was the year that the school system would finally defeat me - and not once did I stop to think - this calls for cocktails.

In fact, except for the lemonade stand down the street, where the proprietor's mother poured chardonnay into our cups while her five-year-old's attention was diverted by traffic, the back-to-school activities have included not a single cocktail hour in honor of those of us who made the Crayola stockholders' hearts beat a little faster this week.   

So take out your composition books, your shot glasses and your number 2 pencils and whip up a cocktail recipe that captures the spirit of back to school week. Then post your drunken comment recipe here. The winner, as chosen by lively disagreement and generous taste testing, will be immortalized in toasts and song.

Cheers,

SK

Comments

[Ruth]

Pat, the shopping has sapped all creativity so I'll take a 2nd (3rd) cosmopolitan and slur my way back to kindergarten for the 4th time.

[Robert Kuntz]

The Tardy Slip:

2 oz. vodka
4 oz. orange juice

Exactly the same as a screwdriver, but you drink the vodka first, then the orange juice shows up late and is poured into the empty glass.

Smoking in the Girl's Room:

2 oz Bacardi 151 rum
1 Bic lighter
1 Jolly Rancher candy

Pour one shot of Bacardi 151 into a rock glass.

Light.

Frantically blow out the flame and drink while giggling.

Suck on Jolly Rancher candy to mask breath.

The Old-Fashioned School Uniform:

2 oz bourbon whiskey
2 dashes Angostura® bitters
1 splash water
1 tsp sugar
1 maraschino cherry
1 orange wedge

Mix sugar, water and angostura bitters in an old-fashioned glass. Drop in a cherry and an orange wedge. Muddle into a paste using a muddler or the back end of a spoon. Pour in bourbon, fill with ice cubes, and stir.

Serve on blue plaid coaster.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Three-Hole Punch, courtesy of the District 3.14159 Supply and Error Subcommittee:

1 and 1/3 can of frozen cranberry-raspberry concentrate. (If they don't have it at your local supermarket, check all groceries within a 25-mile radius.)

2 cans of water (Hah. I bet you think you already have water at home. Not that kind of water, the other kind.)

1 can of premium, triple-distilled #21 vodka. (Red label only.)

Mix all ingredients and add ice.*

*Other ingredients to be named later.

SK

[eurolush]

The Bad Report Card, Courtesy of My Scholarly Past:

1 shot Tuaca
1 shot Tequila
1 orange, juiced
1 lime, juiced
Ice

Fill a large drinking glass with ice. Pour in Tuaca and Tequila shots.
Pour in orange & lime juices.

Mix.

Serve on a homemade coaster, made of folded homework your child has forgotten to turn in.

Enjoy!

[Seriously, Jess]

The Teacher's Pet:

1 shot apple schnapps
1 shot vodka
12 oz. red bull

- - -

The Big Smash

1 bottle cheap wine

Pour out wine, then smash empty bottle over your head as you recall the ill-fated school-shopping trip where your 8 year old burst into tears because you insisted that buying 6 small glue sticks would be just as good as the 3 large ones that were on the supply list, but that were not available anywhere in the whole tri-county area.

[Liz in Virginia]

Playing Hooky

1. Drop all of your children off at school.

2. Drive immediately to the Macaroni Grill, Don Pablo's or similar for "lunch."

3. Order a pitcher of top- or bottom-shelf margaritas -- and "keep 'em coming."

Note: You say your kids haven't started school yet? What's your point?

[writing online]

i wonder what the taste of this drink like..it looks grouse to me.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Wait. It looks "grouse" to you? And you are posting spam comments on behalf of a company that sells writing services?

I urge you to revisit your business plan.

SK

[Brittanie]

HILARIOUS!!