In which Barbie and the Winx Club fairies battle for dominion of the universe and I am forced to take sides

It was so much easier with Polly Pocket. I never did like that girl.

Her clothes were plastic for one thing. And she was forever losing her shoes in the couch cushions, under airplane seats or in the crack of the car seats.  They were the size of rice grains.

"Leave the shoes at home," I told my daughter whenever she wanted to bring Polly along.  "I am not searching for those shoes." I was always searching for those shoes. 

When her interest in the pocket dolls began to wane, I waited about five minutes before swooping in on plastic Polly and her microscopic accessories.  Whenever I found a tiny pink shoe after that, I vacuumed it up without remorse.

But I don't let everything go so easily.

This week we repainted her sunny bedroom a shade of moody blue and chocolate. We emptied closets and toy bins. We filled laundry baskets with stuff to give away. By the time I got to the chest filled with High School Musical song lyrics and fashion dolls, I was searching for something to save, some little part of the girl who had lived in the yellow room with the butterflies on the walls. 

Her replacement will be a sixth grader in two weeks and is ready to part with it all; the Barbies, the Bratz, the long-legged fairies. Not me. I am searching for an addition to the collection of artifacts I keep scattered around my desk, which would seem silly and sentimental if not for the fact that everyone keeps a few toys on their desks, right?

I have a Lego car, a couple of little dinosaurs, a ceramic turtle and a magnetic skateboarding dude. And, okay, so there are a couple of stuffed animals, a few items of baby clothes, a pair of secret agent glasses and some baby teeth. Also, a baby blanket, a Matchbox car and a little round table from the knight's castle.  And a building block that someone colored on.

The point is, there are  memories in this chest, even if I can't remember what they are.

"What should I keep?" I ask my daughter, trying to summon up an image of a smaller blonde-haired girl and some special doll. I consider one of the last few Barbies who still has all her hair. It's always fun to keep a Barbie around, if only for the ironic possibilities. But Barbie never really caught on in our house, despite the efforts of friends who began organizing a Barbie-themed baby shower five minutes after I declared that my house would be a Barbie-free zone.  Note to self: And you didn't see that coming? 

As a result, my daughter was born with a collection of Barbies it would take most girls years to assemble, assuming they were only interested in the ones that looked like they made their living giving blowjobs. We didn't get any Barbie school teachers or veterinarians. But we had every feather boa and plastic stiletto Mattel ever made.  Because friends don't let friends make sanctimonious pronouncements about how they will raise their children. 

Lucky for me, slutty Barbie never really caught on. I can part with her.  

The fairies, on the other hand, were practically real.  Even now, she can recite their names, their back stories, their powers. Remember? she asks. These were the icons of her first-grade fairy posse. She and two best friends spent practically every recess pretending to be fairies.

They haven't been out of this box in years.  Their shiny clothes are askew and their sparkly hair is a mess. But there's still a little magic there.

More from the Toy Archives: The hardest part of being a mom is knowing when to Lego

Comments

[Twinsma]

My obsession was little green army men. Who doesn't like a man in uniform? Of course, having two brothers who held my barbies hostage and ripped them limb for limb didn't help either...

['cuz I'm the mommy, that's why]

Keep the fairies. Never know when you'll need their magic...
I still have my barbies (somewhere), my Cabbage Patch Kids, some of my bear collection (I thinned the herd at 31), and a box of baby/toddler stuff from whe I was a wee tyke. I am currently contemplating getting rid of the football-folded notes left from junior high...
I do wish I knew what happened to my plastic charm necklaces and my original garbage Pail Kids cards.

[Paulita]

You never know when you'll need a little magic. Sounds like you were as successful keeping Barbie out of your house as I was keeping Disney out of my house. Be our guest...

[Ashley]

You know, I think it'll be awesome when they are adults and you let them look through the box. I'll probably need a huge treasure chest in the attic to fill with their favorite toys from different years. Things that I can keep and let the grandkids play with someday...or, something my kids can clean out of the attic when I die. Lol.

[BOSSY]

Blowjob Barbie. Bossy missed this release. Do all her dresses sport milky stains?

[Tara]

okay, have been lurking for a couple weeks and finally have to post...love your blog! ...and now I'm pretty much convinced there are thousands of us living parallel lives...keep up the good work—-who doesn't love a snarky mom...and a little magic?

[Twinsma]

I'm with Bossy, that must be the Monica Lewinsky doll with the dress stains.

[MomZombie]

Never, ever announce to friends and family that you are against a particular toy or character. I tried to do a Barney ban years ago. I ended up with a Barney-themed baby shower and more Barney toys and books than you could burn in a minute with a match and lighter fluid.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

I should have made it clear I was opposed to the idea of a college fund.

SK

[Mr Lady]

My niece, for her fourth birthday, from her immigrant Indian grandparents whose grasp of the English language was questionable at best, received a Barbie in a miniskirt with, oh yes, clear high heel shoes and the packaging she came in was a graffiti'd street corner.

I wish I was kidding.

[Audubon Ron]

Blowjob Barbie...milky stains. Deosn't anybody swallow anymore? I use to collect GI Joe. The last one I blew up with an M80. I always wondered if I'd act out and become a cereal killer. I hated Tony the Tiger. Uh, the picture of your daughter with the black lips. That one scares me.

[reen]

Oh yes, I'll try that reverse psychology college fund resistance...because like Paulita it worked wonders keeping us well stocked with unwanted Disney propaganda...

I've started saving bits and pieces of my kids' life stages and wish my mother had done that. I miss my P.J. (Barbie's little sister, if you recall) and favorite lovey Theodore Everett Bear!