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I bet those grocery lists are the best ever. In addition to the items you need, you probably include another column with the items you don't need to remind you what a good provider you are. I'd be proud to put my name at the top of that.


I find it hard to believe your writing doesn't bring you fistfuls of cold hard cash...when it brings such joy to me.

Okay, maybe "such joy" is the wrong description.

Let's try this again...

When it brings "so many spit takes" to me.

There, that's better.

PS-You should've sent in the letter. Seriously.

PPS-Have you found the "hidden treasure hiding place" in your teen-ager's room? I have. In my 14 year old's room. Contents: A giant, empty bag of Lay's Potato Chips (I don't even buy that brand), an empty box of Christmas candy canes (stolen from my stash sometime in December), countless candy bar wrappers and a one litre bottle of Coke (again, I don't buy litre bottles of Coke.)Why so sneaky? Jayzus. It's like we don't feed him or something.

PPPS-I haven't told him I found his secret spot. Let's see what turns up next time...

Suburban Kamikaze

Not long ago, I found a half dozen cans of soda stashed in Boy Esquire's bottom drawer. I replaced them with cans of green beans and peas.

Missives From Suburbia

Wait... not everyone puts their bylines on their grocery lists? Really? Dang.


Don't you just hate it when your talent is unrecognized? It sucks.


Grocery lists? That gives me an idea, but someone has already done it, so technically it isn't my idea...Milk Eggs Vodka: Grocery Lists Lost and Found(Hardcover)
by Bill Keaggy; my favorite goes like this: Butter, Count Chocula; Honeycombs; Hookers; Blow; Frozen Meals for lunches; Garlic Bread; Creamer; Cellophane for gifts to mail and crabs (crossed out)

Audubon Ron

You're a wonderful writer. Be cool. God closes one door and ALWAYS opens another.

PS: Just because you don't believe in God doesn't make Him go away, now does it?


I've been trying to remember Michael Scott's joke about how magic camp is filled with second graders because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. And then tie it into ice skaters.


A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids.

--Steve Carell as Michael Scott

Suburban Kamikaze

Hah. That is a perfect quote... I like to tell the second-graders in my skating class that they're a little bit short for figure skating, but they'll grow into it.

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