But I did manage to push past the limits of my charm and my tolerance for California varietals on New Year's Eve.
Unfortunately, my house was full of the kind of people whose accuracy of recall is in the 98 percent range, even accounting for their own blood alcohol.
It is never a good idea to make a fool of yourself in front of journalists. People tend to believe them when they repeat the story of how you swore like a longshoreman and danced on the pool table. Even if it is only partly true.
And they will repeat it. In fact, the first thing they will do upon arriving back in South Florida will be to invite all your other friends to lunch solely for the purpose of repeating it.
And where in the story do you suppose, will be the part about the meticulously prepared hors d'oeuvres? The little meatballs, the Key lime shrimp, the goat cheeses, the tragically upstaged hamball? If they are mentioned at all, it will only be to speculate about how little you must have eaten given your performance on so unimpressive a quantity of red wine.
Even so, we will not be too hard on them. It's a brand new year. There will be plenty of time for recrimination.
Photo: Tragically upstaged hamball.