Whose idea was it to drag nearly a dozen moms and their fifth-grade daughters to a crowded Midwestern theater for a showing of High School Musical, Infinity?
I am pretty sure it was the woman they call "Mary," but trust me, I intend to find out.
The girls are sitting in a separate row, so this does not even count as a mother-daughter outing.
They pay us absolutely no attention except to tap us on the back of the head when their $4 sodas run out or when they need an escort to the bathroom.
"Again??" we hiss across the back of our seats before bumping our way past the 32 people and four gallons of soda perched between us and the nearest exit.
No one has thought to bring any liquor, so we sit low in our seats groaning at dialogue so bad, it could only have been written by high schoolers.
"I think I've run out of goodbyes... I love you Wildcat, but I think I need to stay where I am."
And: "You may be ready to say goodbye to East High, but East High is not ready to say goodbye to you."
We are so ready to say goodbye to East High. (Principal: Busby Berkeley) But when I look back at my daughter during a particularly gooey love duet, she is glassy-eyed with adolescent ardor.
"You realize," I want to tell her, "that a choice between the Juilliard School and the University of Albuquerque is no choice at all?"
Photo: High school seniors Gabriela Sugarcoat and Troy Biceps take a break from the suffocating angst of having to choose between true love and the Ivy League. Adam Larkey / Disney