Garnish the cat bowl, Bossy's coming

Bossy's Excellent Road Trip rolls into town very soon and massive preparations are underway for the big event; invitations have gone out, new sheets have been purchased for the guest room (and used only twice) and the caterers are busily coordinating the delivery of the choicest ...

Okay, so there won't be any caterers.  But there will be food and drink and a houseful of Chicago-area bloggers for whom this woman is like an Internet god.    

Some in fact, are close to swooning at the prospect of meeting the woman who helped popularize the idea of drinking gin from a cat bowl. Now, of course, everyone is doing it, but the fact is, before there was iambossy there was no such thing as the cat bowl martini.*

As hostess for this thrilling, once-in-a-lifetime event, I just want to say, relax people. Some of you are starting to hyperventilate.

She is probably not even funny in real life.

I know I'm not. Just ask anyone in my house. "Mom, you are NOT funny," the fourth-grader tells me.  She turns to a friend's mother and issues a clarification: "My mom thinks she's funny, but she's not."

Anyway, my point is, there is no reason to be intimidated, even if she is a little scary in those aviator shades.  I mean, it's not like meeting Dooce, is it?  Now that would be scary. That woman is so famous she draws stalkers.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, her name may be "Bossy," but that doesn't make her your boss, does it? She's an ordinary blogger, just like you and me, only funnier, and willing to drive 10,000 miles across the country by herself just to prove  that she did not, in fact, make herself up.

Still, I will have some Sharpies on hand in case some of you want her to sign your breasts.

Of course, there is a small chance that photographs of you with your mouth full of appetizers or with crumbs on your face will end up on her enormously popular website where it will be seen by thousands of people, inviting comparisons to the shiny happy West Coast people who partied with Bossy last week in hummus-filled, bougainvillea strewn apartments in San Francisco and Laguna Beach.

Sadly, there is not enough bronzing powder in all of the world to make a Midwesterner glow in April and the bougainvillea here does not bloom until never, ever.

But I am not worried.  Because Bossy has a well-documented soft spot for John Cusack the Midwest.

Bossy's Excellent Road Trip Diary, Day 30

Comments

[Ok, Where Was I?]

I'm glad no one there will be funny. Takes the pressure off. I wasn't even thinking of the sharpies--I guess that's what makes you a good host! I'll have to wear a V-neck so we can go in from the top and not have to expose the muffin top.

[Paulita]

And what's a perfect hostess without those little edible liqueur cups? Don't forget the cheese whiz and now that you're in the midwest, there needs to be some sort of jello.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Too bad for you Sarah, because I told everyone that YOU were funny...

I am on top of it Paulita -I am making everything from jello. You should see how elegant those little chocolate cups look filled with green jello.

I am the Midwest's new queen of entertaining.

SK

[Ree]

Darn, I forgot to have her sign my breasts.

Thanks again SK - it was a great time, your home is beautiful, and the meat-polygons were delicious!

[suburban kamikaze]

Thanks Ree,

Geometry makes everything taste better, don't you think?

SK

[Melanie at Beanpaste]

The Cat Bowl Martini is genius. And not for pussies, apparently.

[foolery]

The funniest people are NEVER funny to their children. I know this on a personal level, you betcha. And I bow down to your Cat Bowl Martini, even if there were no Jell-O shots in it.

[Ok, Where Was I?]

Ree, I was thinking the same thing. I got in my car and thought, damn, my boobs!

SK, I also realized we were a bunch of idiots and didn't clean up one single napkin. That occurred to me right after the boobs. But I thought the only thing worse than having your guests leave all their plates and napkins on your (quite lovely) deck late at night would be one of them showing up again on your doorstep after you thought they'd all left.

Thanks for the party. It was fun talking to grown ups. We should do it again even if Bossy doesn't do another road trip.

[Asthmagirl]

Bossy didn't seem too shocked to see the pasty white faces in Seattle. It must have been that long trip up I-5 that prepared her for the lack of tan-ness!

[girlplease]

Thank you for playing host. I definately enjoyed myself. Good luck w/ skating and the jump.

[Mr Farty]

You are freaking hilarious! That cat bowl was pure genius.

kthxbai

[Melissa in NZ]

You guys are SO lucky ... somehow, she bypassed New Zealand on her roadtrip. Can you STAND it???

[Hunter Gatherer]

*Not to be a stickler but one has to give credit where credit is due...

Author, Anne Lamott, quipped on drinking gin straight out of the cat bowl in her book Traveling Mercies. Somewhere in her blog, Bossy references Anne Lamott as inspiration.Thank to Anne that phrase was alive and well in my neck of the woods long before Bossy!

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with writers gathering and borrowing things overheard ( or as I like to say -overread). I do it all the time. We all do it, it is how ideas and humor are spread. But be careful when touting someone as the originator of a phrase, because it's not always the case.

[sammierae]

I found you thru Bossys latest blog entry..and you are officially now on my blogroll (which isnt that long..that means youre awsome) And your 4th grader is WRONG.. youre hilarious. Nice to meet you..and thank you for taking care of Bossy! (Get me Andres number, k?! please)

[Suburban Kamikaze]

I wish I had known that H.G., because I had no idea how to serve gin in a cat bowl before the Bossy party and I couldn't find a cat bowl cocktail recipe anywhere. My apologies to Ms. Lamott, who no doubt drank with great style, and who may, for all I know, have mixed in a little vermouth from time to time.

[Deb (Missives From Suburbia)]

CRAP!! I can't believe I can't find a way to get to Chicago for this. Why didn't she want to come through Minneapolis? Oh, right... because it's in Minnesota.

Have fun with her!!

[MommyTime]

You are prescient. "Of course, there is a small chance that photographs of you with your mouth full of appetizers or with crumbs on your face will end up on her enormously popular website where it will be seen by thousands of people" -- or lemons, you could have a photo of yourself wearing a lemon for lips. That would be attractive.

And you are funny. I've been reading around, and I'll be back. Fun to find someone new via Bossy.

Also, I just wanted to reassure you that White Castle wasn't on the actual menu in Detroit. There were real appetizers, and main courses, and desserts, and snacks, and then the crazy drunks (who invited them?!) got to talking at 1am, and THEN poor old WC got dragged to the party.

[suburban kamikaze]

I love that picture. I think it should go on your book jacket.

SK

[Manic Mommy]

OK, so I was catching up on some blogs and I see a real-life in person blog-pal of mine in a photo with Bossy. I knew you were hosting her. Then I see on Kristabella's blog that she met Bossy and she wrote "I met Bossy at *HER* house, and html linked the her. Before I even clicked the link, I said outloud to myself, "Holy Fucking Small World, Kristabella went to SK's house!!!" LOL! Wish I could have been there and wish I could have seen the look on my face and KB's if we were to see each other there--would have been a riot!

On another note, I know RWA is not your thing, but Karen, Elyse and I missed you at the conference this past weekend!