"Don't stock up on silver anniversary cards. More than half the Americans who might have celebrated their 25th wedding anniversaries since 2000 were divorced, separated or widowed before reaching that milestone, according to the latest census survey..."
-New York Times, "25th Anniversary Mark Elusive for Many Couples"
1. Dirty clothes left within inches of laundry basket once too often.
2. Failure of toilet paper manufacturers to include instructions on replacing the roll.
3. She needs your closet space.
4. Your midlife crisis + her new breasts.
5. Advances in vibrator technology
6. That tattoo on her ass looks suspiciously like name of her new intern.
7. Home Depot date nights a bad idea.
8. Left your Internet browser open to "nothinglikemywife.com"
9. PMS coincides with Williams-Sonoma cutlery sale at least twice a year.
10. Accidentally put car into reverse while he was behind it, ironically validating his mockery of your driving skills.
11. Legalization of same-sex unions really does threaten your marriage by making your lifestyle and furniture choices seem un-fabulous.
12. His failure to appreciate complex relationship between shoes and mental health.
13. Her failure to appreciate simple relationship between sex and everything.
14. One too many cracks about her family.
15. One too many members of his family.
16. Intractable pizza-topping differences.
18. "You have to be smarter than the raccoon" remark made in response to her complaint that she has had to pick up strewn garbage at 6 a.m. three days in a row.
19. Jury nullification: Very low threat of murder conviction in light of raccoon remark.
20. Vast socio-cultural chasm between 15-inning Cubs game and her idea of a good time.
21. Mother's Day 2004. Wrigley Field.
22. Winter, Chicago, 2005-2007.
23. Inability to work through subtle philosophical differences regarding sex, money, parenting, housework and punctuation.
24. Failure to anticipate diminishing appeal of classic sexual advance: "Are you asleep?"
25. Societal failure to put powerful children's lobby in its place, return to heady days of three-martini parenting.