We could really use some eradicrapping1 around here. But nobody pays any attention when I suggest it. Must be the macoustics.2
I don't actually believe my house will ever be free of High School Musical playing cards, ponytail accessories, or those shiny green gum wrappers I find everywhere, but thanks to Eric Ruhalter, a New York television writer/producer, father of three and author of The Kid Dictionary, at least I know what the process would be called if anyone ever bothered to undertake it. Which they won't.
And while it can never match profanity for sheer usefulness, especially during the teenage years, the Ruhalter lexicon has plenty of words you're going to want to begin using in your rants right away.
Stop that mallowmining right now!
It's probably not going to fix anything (see "macoustics") but knowing there's a word for it makes you feel like you're not the only person taking requests in the shower. Where the fuck is Daddy? is all we had before Ruhalter recognized this phenomena as the shampestery it is.
So you know that thing your kid does that should have its own word? Tell me about it in the comment section and I'll send one of you a copy of The Kid Dictionary. The rest of you get High School Musical playing cards, beginning with the six of diamonds. Why is there a six of diamonds in my palm tree? I blame the people at Disney merchandising, but what do I know? I'm just the momikaze.3
1 eradicrap v: to purge your playroom of old toys when your kids aren't around to protest
2 macoustics n: the frequency of a mother's voice that her children find so easy to ignore
3 momikaze n: a mother whose children push her to the very brink of her sanity