1. Ask "did you buy any food-food?" when your mother comes home with $250 worth of groceries.
2. Refuse to define what is meant by the term "food-food." You know it when you see it.
3. Start every other conversation by asking "what are we having for dinner?"
4. Open every cabinet in the kitchen while sighing between meals.
5. Stare at pantry contents in disapproval. This is no way to live.
6. Insist that you have not eaten all day no matter how many plates you have used.
7. Be uncharacteristically nice to your little sister, then ask her if she wants to make cookies.
8. Drink from milk jug while staring at refrigerator contents until temperature drops 20 degrees.
9. Later, complain that the temperature in the refrigerator has dropped 20 degrees.
10. Be the plate. Time spent on dishes, napkins or silverware is time spent still hungry.
from the care and feeding of boys archives: The Virtual Food Critic