Signs of Spring

Patches of mud are sprouting everywhere – and not just in the house.

The teenager and his adorable tween sister have grown surly from months of being cooped up with every form of entertainment imaginable. Is it any wonder that requests for cooperation or housework are met with unalloyed resentment? 

"OH MY GOD," they exhale with as much indignance as they can muster without taking their eyes from whatever urgent text message they are currently receiving.

How can they be expected to pick up their own hairbrushes, dirty socks, milk glasses, pizza crusts, stray homework, gum wrappers, Pepsi cans or wet towels? Can't you see they are right in the middle of SOMETHING?

Whatever it is, it is more important than whatever you are doing. What exactly is it that you do all day anyway? Seriously, the 15-year-old wants to know.  

Wouldn’t it be faster to do it yourself instead of standing there railing at the children? How long did it take you to make all those little signs? That is not even his mess. Probably. Or if it is, he is going to take care of it. He will.

He says he will. OH MY GOD. You could have done it yourself by now. He was going to do it. Also, he needs money. Why is there never anything to eat? When are you going to take him to get his hair cut?

She writes NO WAY across the chore list you have taped to the door of the refrigerator. She says something under her breath. It sounds like "beach."

It sounds like Miami Beach.

Comments

[MommyTime]

I am always surprised that there aren't more good old-fashioned throttlings of children these ages nowadays. When I hear stories like this, I just want to run away screaming from what will no doubt be my life in ten years. You deserve a martini, my dear. And chocolate.

[Jess]

Running the risk of sounding like my mother (too late), I wouldn't have spoken like that to my mother when I was a girl.

However, I have a vague memory of muttering, "I'll get to it," after being told to clean my room and then getting whipped with a yard stick.

Alas, my own 9 year-olds have started eye-ball rolling and are no doubt heading down a path I dared not travel.

[kalisa]

He says he will. OH MY GOD. You could have done it yourself by now. He was going to do it. Also, he needs money. Why is there never anything to eat? When are you going to take him to get his hair cut?
***
You stole that from my life. I swear you did. And now that my son is 16, has a license AND his own car, I'm all "Here's the number. Make an appt and get your own damn hair cut" and he's all "OH MY GOD" *eye roll*

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Now that I think about it, it may have been "chocolate martinis in Miami Beach" that I heard...

SK

[Meaux]

Seriously, you are channeling my life. Only difference, beach at the San Juan Hilton and mojitos. Taking the eye rollers with me, but tossing them to the grandparents on the way out to the beach.

[lourdes]

Oh, this is hilarious. My stepsons, 10 and 12, use "beach" also to refer to men. I always want to laugh out loud when they do that and correct them -- but I don't!

[Audubon Ron]

I’m starting a new service. It’s a spanking service. You say to the kids, “If you don’t start jumping slick and get all over this chore list like now, I’m calling Ron-1-1.” Once called, I arrive in a way too big for anybody to see past the hood ornament Cadillac, black duds and pull off my belt. You know, the one with the metal studs. I ask, “How old are you?” Then I dial the buckle to their age. “You’re 15? Nope, today you’re getting a 17. I want this to last extra.” You can find me in the phone book under pest control.