Please accept this adorable kitten as a token of my regret

The sixth-grader and her friend sneak up on me just as I am putting the finishing touches on an e-mail reply that goes like this:

Expletive deleted.

I wasn't going to send it. Or maybe I was. I hadn't decided.

An area writers' group had sent out an invitation to meet for coffee. The children's book author couldn't make it.

"Thanks for the offer," the author wrote, "but I am much too busy for my own good!! I'm trying to meet a deadline on my third book!! Can you believe it? It's crazy how successful I am!  Have fun at your little coffee gathering and I hope you all inspire one another!!" 

Okay, so I have added the exclamation marks. Also the stuff in italics. This is what is known in writers' circles as literary license. Or, informally, as being a bitch. For which bitterness, inspired by having my resumé ignored by editors young enough to have kittens on their Facebook pages, deserves much of the credit.  Not that there is anything wrong with kittens!!! OMG they're so CUTE!!

Anyway, my point is, being a bitch is not the kind of thing you are supposed to pass on to your children. Especially when they have so much more to teach us. The girls decide they will write their own reply. "I didn't care for any of your other books," it begins.

"Girls," I say, astonished at how unkittenlike they are. "I was only joking. The point of a writers' group is to celebrate each other's success. The correct response is "congratulations!!!"  Perhaps with a photo of a kitten attached.

Comments

[nthnglsts]

You should send the very successful writer a kitten or two. Just leave them on the doorstep in a basket with a note...Perhaps you would like to try writing for PetSmart...since the kid thing isn't really working out. Love, (insert editor with kitten on Facebook page's name)

[Audubon Ron]

I’m sorry love, I didn’t want to take anything away from this post but, I have the hiccups.

[Executive Suburbanite]

My photographer husband says cat and dog books are always the no. 1 best-sellers any given year. So DF may have something with this writing for PetSmart thing.
And who the hell wants to hear from a children's book author anyway? please.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

I knew you would take my side in this even though the correct answer was: SK, why do you insist on antagonizing successful childrens' book authors? Did Lee Wardlaw teach you nothing?

http://www.suburbankamikaze.com/suburban_kamikaze/2008/02/i-am-getting-up.html

[MommyTime]

In my own defense, that email about being too busy for my own good was really only meant to go to that ONE colleague of mine, you know, the one who doesn't take me seriously because I'm a woman, so I really feel good when I can remind him that he does NOT have a book with a great publisher...

oh, wait, I'm not a children's book author at all...

Sorry, Fantasy Me took over. Perhaps Fantasy You should write a response that begins So glad to know I'm not the only one who can't make it due to looming Very Important Deadlines. Now I feel so much less guilty...

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Your colleague should be sent a basket of kittens immediately.

SK

[Twinsma]

You might as well teach them now how to perfect the art of snarky comments because if you don't they will just learn it from someone with a much more limited vocabulary. Then what would you take credit for later??