The mother of invention

It is school spirit week at Ain't We Got Fun Elementary and the fifth grader calls me with a last-minute flash of inspiration.

"On your way home," she says, "you have to stop and get me some red face paint.  I need it for tomorrow."

It is almost 8 p.m.  Despite the breathtaking ability I have demonstrated in School Spirit Weeks past, I am doubtful about my ability to procure face paint at this hour.  I prepare her to be disappointed.  "I really don't see how I am going to be able to find face paint tonight," I say.

But you cannot match a fifth-grade girl for willpower and resourcefulness. Particularly when something as critical as winning the Class Displaying the Greatest Square Footage of School Color contest is at stake.

As the most competitive girl in the most competitive class, she has no intention of losing out to any fourth graders. She has prepared for contingencies.

"Okay," she says. "I found a recipe on the Internet for making your own face paint. All I need is solid shortening and red food color."

I call her from Walgreens a half hour later. "They don't have any red food coloring," I say. 

The girl is unfazed. She has a plan C.

"That's okay," she says. "I looked up how to make red food coloring. Bring home some beets."

"And if I can't find beets?"  I ask her. "I suppose you know how to make beets?" 

"From seeds," she says. 

Duh.

Luckily, I found the food coloring.  Here's the recipe:

Last Minute Face Paint for School Spirit Emergencies

1 and 1/2 tablespoon solid shortening

3 tablespoons cornstarch

food coloring

a bit of water, if needed to thin mixture

Photo: Results may vary

Comments

[Mr Lady]

I'd have just smeared Manic Panic all over her face and called it a day.

[jean]

OMG. Will it ever come off?

[Suburban Kamikaze]

I will let you know. Manic Panic? Is that a cocktail or a lipstick shade?

[Paulita]

You buried the lead. Or omitted it. Did she win?

[BOSSY]

Unbelievable, although Bossy was rooting for the beets outcome.