An idea so bad, it could only have been spawned in a Midwestern suburb

The Wildcats haven't sunk a single basket yet and already I am bored.

Whose idea was it to drag nearly a dozen moms and their fifth-grade daughters to a crowded Midwestern theater for a showing of High School Musical, Infinity?

I am pretty sure it was the woman they call "Mary," but trust me, I intend to find out.

The girls are sitting in a separate row, so this does not even count as a mother-daughter outing.

They pay us absolutely no attention except to tap us on the back of the head when their $4 sodas run out or when they need an escort to the bathroom.

"Again??" we hiss across the back of our seats before bumping our way past the 32 people and four gallons of soda perched between us and the nearest exit.

No one has thought to bring any liquor, so we sit low in our seats groaning at dialogue so bad, it could only have been written by high schoolers.

"I think I've run out of goodbyes... I love you Wildcat, but I think I need to stay where I am."

And: "You may be ready to say goodbye to East High, but East High is not ready to say goodbye to you."

We are so ready to say goodbye to East High. (Principal: Busby Berkeley)  But when I look back at my daughter during a particularly gooey love duet, she is glassy-eyed with adolescent ardor.

"You realize," I want to tell her, "that a choice between the Juilliard School and the University of Albuquerque is no choice at all?"

Photo: High school seniors Gabriela Sugarcoat and Troy Biceps take a break from the suffocating angst of having to choose between true love and the Ivy League. Adam Larkey / Disney

Comments

[Manic Mommy]

You know, SK, I adore you! For bringing it to 'the real.'

However, you're going to want to kick me in the ass when you read my review on BettyConfidential. I am cracking up at the idea of how you'll look as you read it. I wish we could sit together at the computer screen and laugh our asses off because you would be punching my lights out!

Come on. Yes, it was cheesy! But it was beautiful for the wee ones! : )

[aGibby]

LOL!! We took our 7 and 4-year-old this weekend. And of course, it is my 4-year-old who is enamored by Troy. We are in troubs. The girls even dragged Hubby along, he and I laughed the entire time at all the pre-teen girls screaming whenever Troy came on the screen. Sick!

[stevie d]

Two times for me, opening weekend, though the second time i was mostly looking at my blackberry. I'm mad at Disney for focusing on the four kids for whom high school is NOT a living hell.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Really Stevie? Because I thought they totally nailed the high school experience. That slutty burlesque routine in the hallways? That brought back memories.

And Manic, if you've got the cojones, and I know you do, come back and post the link...

SK

[Seriously, Jess]

Is HSM awful? Without a doubt.

But is it a rite of passage for a young girl to watch these movies? Absolutely.

I remember watching these flicks over and over as a kid:

Shag the Movie: four high school girlfriends (Phoebe Cates, Bridget Fonda, Anabeth Gisth) have a wild weekend in 1963.

Satisfaction: a young, girl band (save a token flat-top guy) make it big. Stars: Justine Bateman, Liam Neeson and Julia Roberts.

Dirty Dancing: needs no explanation.