Withering Heights

Having never had any, I do not buy into the idea of natural ability.

I am not someone, for example, who can simply fire up the grill and start throwing meat on. I need to know, What Would Wolfgang Puck Do?

There is so much I need to know. I clip advertisements for schools that promise to teach Landscaping 101 or The Art of the Lobster. I take French classes so that I can learn to speak to the babysitter. When my husband brought home a pool table, I brought home a pool shark.

My game is still not very good, but now I can say things like "Are we playing bar rules or tournament rules?"  Also, I use a lot more chalk.

When I decided, like so many other middle-aged women, that I was going to take up figure skating, I got a coach. Then I found another coach for off-ice training.  This didn't really make me any better a skater, but I learned a lot about figure skating. For example, most figure skaters are 8 years old.  

Still, it would be an exaggeration to say, as certain members of my family do, that I would need a private coach to walk around the block.

I know how to walk around the block. I want to learn how to walk around the block in these.

I told myself when I moved to Chicago three years ago, that I would learn to be the big city girl I'd always pretended to be. And to my credit, I fell right into the habit of shopping on Michigan Avenue and spending the grocery money on theater tickets.

But still, I felt like a fraud.

I've seen one too many episodes of "Sex and the City" to pretend I am getting away with it.

Because I have been doing it all in comfortable shoes.

It is not a matter of not having the right equipment. There is plenty of high-altitude footwear in my closet.

But between the closet and the front door, I have a million excuses to take them off: I might have to run to catch a train, they make too much noise, I will fall through a grate, break a heel and plunge into the river. It could happen. 

And so I head out in my city-fabulous clothes looking like a cross between Carrie Bradshaw and Nurse Ratched. But it occurs to me that it might not be my fault. Maybe what I am lacking is not courage, but expertise.

With a little coaching, perhaps, I could gain the confidence I need to ramp up and head out.

It turns out I am not alone. There are enough of us to have spawned a whole new advice genre, including videos, books, blog testimonials, and - in some cities  - high heel exercise classes.

Seriously. How frivolous cool is that?

Comments

[Robert K]

SK:

In what measurable way can this latest post be differentiated from a naked rationalization for the purchase of more shoes?

And didn't we recently enjoy an equally raw exercise of rhetoric in the service of further bra acquisition?

I can only say -- as a man, a manly man who knows he's a man, but who is nevertheless a man who faithfully reads your blog anyway -- that if you are working from the top down, I think you skipped a step that I and both of your other manly male readers would really have enjoyed.

Just sayin'.

[Ok, Where Was I?]

I love it--you could fall in the river. And that would definitely make the 6:00 news.

I never used to think of such things (tripping if I had to run, rivers, etc.) pre-kids. I wore heels all the time without incident. I've worn them maybe ten times in the past 7 years. Something tragic has happened.

[Sue]

Here's your solution since your husband is determined to live in the Midwest: move to Milwaukee. You can wear fancy stuff with Birkenstocks here if you want and no one will bat an eye. In fact, get too pretentious and they'll tell you to go back to Chicago. Plus your husband can catch the Cubs in Chicago (easy drive, sort of) AND Milwaukee. You can wear the fancy shoes when you go to the Calatrava (Milwaukee Art Museum) for Martini night - oh, that's right, they don't have Martini night anymore because this being Wisconsin and Martini Night involving all-you-can-drink booze, the resulting fondling of artwork and puking on the shiny floors was inevitable. That's ok, we'll find somewhere for you to wear your shoes without coaching here.

[Martha]

Whatever choice you make - landscaping, yoga, vegan cooking, clothing and shoe design - go for the one-on-one teaching/coaching. The attention makes the learning go faster.

In the short term, more shoes will fix almost any problem.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Martha is my new best friend/enabler.

[BOSSY]

Bossy doesn't walk as much as teeter. Screw it - flats keep her grounded. hehe.