Somewhere in South Florida, 8:17 a.m.:
The Mommy/Houseguest has just been awakened by three teenage boys who burst into the room where she is sleeping on a fold-out couch. The room also houses a home office and the boys have their glassy-eyed sights on the electronics.
They will spend the next six hours navigating three computers, a game system and an assortment of multi-level, multi-player pirate and baseball games. They will also walk all over the guest sheets.
Boys: When are you getting up? We need to get on the computer.
Mommy/Houseguest: You have got to be kidding. I am going to kill all of you as soon as I have had my coffee.
Boys: So you're going to get up?
Mommy/Houseguest: Get out of here. Make me a pot of coffee and I will think about it.
The boys leave and clamor into the kitchen, where they crowd around "Mr. Coffee" and stare at his intimidating array of features, which include exactly one button. It is labeled "start."
Boy 1: "I've watched my dad do it before, but there are measurements involved."
Boy 2: "I am not responsible for any damage to the coffee maker."
Boy 1: "You put, like, water in, and you put a filter in there..."
Boy 2: "I know a secret way, but it involves maple syrup."
Boy 3: "Where's the on-off button?"
Boy 1: "Why is there a hole in the lid do you think?"
Boy 3: "That's where the coffee goes, you dolt."
Boy 1: "O.K., there should be like a box of - I found the coffee filters. They're wrap-around. You know how to work wrap-around coffee filters?"
Boy 3: "We have no freaking idea how to make coffee."
The Mommy/Houseguest cannot take it anymore. How did she and her friends manage to raise such incompetents? She sighs deeply, rolls her eyes and heads to the kitchen, where she is greeted with enthusiasm, followed by a stampede.
Boy 3: "Wait! she's up! We don't have to."