Go Ahead. Make Her Day.

Uh Oh.

Only a week to go until that special day and you still haven't figured out how to make it absolutely perfect.

And when you think of all that she goes through on a daily basis, the enormous sacrifices entailed in the incubating, birthing and care of your beautiful, relentlessly demanding children, it is little wonder that you sweat the prospect of how to come through for her just this once.

Yes, we remember last year. You fell short didn't you?

You didn't forsee that whole kid-produced, breakfast-in-bed fiasco.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  Now you know better.

Trust me, you can make it up to her.  The first thing to remember is that those adorable little macaroni necklaces and construction paper cards will warm her heart in ways that Tiffany jewelry cannot.

But they are perishable.  Not that mommy doesn't absolutely love them. And love is really what it's all about, isn't it?

I mean, you could go out and spend a week's grocery money on Coach sunglasses that make her look like a rock star,  and sure, she's going to want to have sex with you the minute she opens the box, but how does that compare to those little Brookstone gadgets the kids picked out by themselves when you set them loose with $15 apiece?  Those brought real tears to her eyes.

You could spend a car payment on something extravagant like a diamond and emerald palm tree  to remind her that even while she is freezing her ass off in the  Midwest for you, she still has humidity in her heart. But what does that accomplish, other than filling her head with images of deviant sex acts she has always wanted to try?

You could spend way too much on front row Tori Amos tickets, Ralph Lauren swimwear, a Caribbean vacation and something to read on the plane, but you'd only end up feeling selfish and exhausted when you realized how much gratitude there was in it for you.

Seriously, she has so much already.  What is she going to do with designer sunglasses anyway? It's not like she is going to Bimini anytime soon.  Is it?  And what is a little bling compared to the joy of waking up to burnt toast and a bed full of children? Some shiny new thing around her neck is only going to get the children kicked out of bed, pronto.

And without them you wouldn't have anything to be celebrating next week would you?  It would be just another weekend in bed. And who wants that?

Anyway, my point is, relax. You've still got a week.

Cheers,

SK

Photo: Mommy Likes the Bling, by Rick McCawley

© 2007 P.M. Dunnigan/Suburban Kamikaze

Comments

[Dianne]

Well, I don't know about the palm tree jewelry or the Bahamas vacation or even the Coach Sunglasses (really, you wouldn't rather have Oakleys? )
but I do know what the reading material will be:
THE FEMININE MISTAKE http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/06/books/review/Allen.t.html?_r=1&ref=review&oref=slogin

[Dianne]

Oops, Coven violation...

[Denver Dad]

Geez... this post completely filled me with fear and loathing. Thanks so much, SK!

[Robert K]

My darling, the mother of my sons, has not left things to chance this year -- she wants her ride pimped and has told me so.

Neon accents in the foot wells, matching steering wheel cover, enormous fuzzy dice -- the wiggity-works.

That the ride to be pimped is a 2002 Chrysler Concorde, that the driver is a teacher and mom of two, that "pimped" has now become an adjective appropriate for common usage -- none of this dissuades her.

I can only hope we don't break any of the pimpage when she displays her gratitude.

[BOSSY]

Bossy and her own Mother's Day present? Oh, please. Reallllly, pleeeeeeeeease.

[Cathy]

Oh goodness. That post is too funny. I hope you get whatever it is you truly want. Me? All I want is to be able to sleep until 8am. That's all.

[Audubon Ron]

Oh here we go again, GIFT ANXIETY. I’m a failure.

[foolery]

I now have Recipient's Anxiety, Ron -- in case I'm expected to explore any deviant sex acts over a packet of Bic pens and some Curel.